Can't Have You
by Deviant-Little-Angel
Summary: During new Moon. Bella is missing Edward, alot, and turns to the radio for a distraction.


**_A/n: This story takes place after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon. The idea came to me after I fell asleep with my mp3 playing, and after a random Twilight dream, I awoke to this song playing._**

**_Disclaimer: I dont own Twilight, or the Jonas Brothers...as much as I would like to, I don't own either..._**

**Bella's POV**

It had been several weeks since he left me. I knew that no matter how much time past, I wouldn't forget him, his beautiful tousled bronze hair, his golden topaz eyes, his cold marble skin…thinking of him still hurt, the memories of the day he left me were vivid and etched in my mind like a video constantly being played in my head. My vision began to blur as my eyes filled up with tears. No! I silently yelled at myself, I will NOT cry. Glancing around, I looked for some way to distract myself, my eyes skimming the chair he had sat on, the places he had rested as he waited for me…finally spotting a radio. I turned it on and lay back, closing my eyes and emptying my mind. I tried to focus on what was being said, but it was only ads for useless products I didn't care about or want. My mind began to wander so I shook my head and focused on the words again, only now the weather was on. I half listened as the weatherman mentioned that Forks was going to have rain for the next few days. I didn't care, the rain was as miserable as I felt. Seattle was having sun he announced cheerfully. Too cheerful for a weatherman I thought. His words blurred together as I thought of when I went to Seattle. With Edward. I remembered the meadow, seeing him sparkle as the sun shown down on him, I couldn't believe how beautiful he was, and now how much I missed him. He said it would be as though he never existed, which was a lie. He could take away every physical thing that would link to him, but he couldn't remove my memories. Or my pain. A silvery tear slid down my cheek. I brushed it away as I leaned further back, focusing on the radio once more. It had gone quiet before a few notes began to play, finally a song was starting. It was one I didn't recognise, but I was glad for something, anything to take my mind away for Edward. I focused intently on the lyrics.

_You warned me that you were gonna leave_

_I never thought you would really go_

Tears streamed down my face as I listened to the first lines, this song wasn't really helping me, but at the same time, it was.

_I was blind but baby now I see_

_Broke your heart, now I know_

_That I was being such a fool_

_And I didn't deserve you_

I began to wonder if I ever deserved Edward. He was so prefect, and I wasn't, far from it in fact. I was so plain compared to him, but eh seemed to like me…before he left. Maybe he left because of me, of something I did, or something I'm not…

_I don't wanna fall asleep_

'_Cause I don't know if I'll get up_

_And I don't wanna cause a scene_

_But I'm dying without your love_

That was so true to me; I felt I was dying without Edward. It was stupid, petty of me, but I'd come to love him so much, I could easily picture my self dying of a broken heart.

_Begging to hear your voice_

_Tell me you love me too_

'_Cause I'd rather just be alone_

_If I know that I can't have you_

I now lay shaking, tears freely falling from my eyes, soaking my pillow and my hair.

_Looking at the letter that you left_

_(The letter that you left, will I ever get you back?)_

_Wondering if I'll ever get you back_

_(Ooh ah, Ooh ah, Ooh ah, Ooh ah,)_

_Dreaming about when I'll see you next_

_(I'm gonna see you next, will I ever get you back?)_

_Knowing that I never will forget_

_(I won't forget, I won't forget)_

I knew I would never forget him, no matter how long he was gone for. Even if I never seen him again, he would remain in my mind, in my dreams. I hope he dreamed of me, but I knew, deep down that was unlikely. He left me after all.

_That I was being such a fool_

_And I still don't deserve you_

_I don't wanna fall asleep_

'_Cause I don't know if I'll get up_

_And I don't wanna cause a scene_

'_Cause I'm dying without your love, yeah_

_Begging to hear your voice_

_Tell me you love me too_

'_Cause I'd rather just be alone_

_If I know that I can't have you_

I heard a door downstairs, Charlie was home. He knew I had changed ever since Edward left. I almost hoped it would be Edward coming through that door, coming to see me again…but that wouldn't happen only in my wildest dreams. I couldn't turn the radio off, I had to keep listening for some strange reason.

_So tell me what we're fighting for_

'_Cause we know that the truth means so much more_

'_Cause you would if you could don't lie (don't lie)_

'_Cause I'll give everything that I've got left_

_To show you I mean what I have said_

_I know I was such a fool but I can't live without you_

I knew that I was the fool here, thinking he would come back. I knew I couldn't live without him, but I was going to have to learn how. All my friends were beginning to draw away, as if I had depression and it was contagious. Though, maybe something was wrong with me, someone's departure shouldn't hurt this much.

_Don't wanna fall asleep_

_Don't know if I'll get up_

_I don't wanna cause a scene_

_But I'm dying without your love_

_I'm begging to hear your voice_

_Tell me you love me too_

'_Cause I'd rather just be alone_

_If I know that I can't have you, yeah_

Me hair and pillow were soaked now, the river of tears still ran. Charlie hadn't even noticed I was here, I was invisible now. A nobody…maybe I could…

_Don't wanna fall asleep_

_(Don't wanna fall asleep)_

_Don't know if I'll get up_

_(Who knows if I'll get up?)_

_I don't wanna cause a scene_

'_Cause I'm dying without your love, yeah_

_I'm begging to hear your voice_

_(Let me hear your voice)_

_Tell me you love me too_

_(Tell me you love me too)_

'_Cause I'd rather just be alone_

_If I know that I cant have you_

I turned the radio down, throwing it against the wall in anger. I contemplated the razor I now held in my hand. It was so tempting, to slide it across my wrist, to take the pain away. I drew it closer; the pain will go I told myself. Edward's head appeared in my mind. I tried to get rid of it, but it was so sad looking, he looked close to tears. Alice's face joined his, she was looking devastated. What kind of person could cause the happy little pixie so much agony? I looked down at my wrist. Me. I could. I let the razor slip from my hand. Edward wouldn't want it. I pulled my legs to my chest, the duvet around me. I let the tears run faster, flowing freely, until I seen him. Shining in the sun, holding his arms out, taking me in them and kissing me. This was the Edward that I had left, the one in my dreams. And as I slept, I prayed that he too wouldn't leave me, and someday my Edward, my handsome prince would come back. But for now, my dreams would have to do…

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**_Sorry for any errors. Please review!_**

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